by Major Michael D. Grice
Married life in the military is tough, and it only gets tougher as the Marine Corps' operational tempo continues to increase with the burgeoning global war on terrorism. Young Marines and sailors face twice the deployed time that was de rigeur in the pre-ll September 2001 world, and the stress of combat coupled with the time away for training are harbingers of doom for many marriages.
Gene Gomulka, a noted author and respected former Navy chaplain, has penned a short but effective book (The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military, PlainTec, 2004) to help those who are looking to marry in these turbulent times. The book is a guide to help couples determine whether or not they really should tie the knot, and it addresses many of the Service-specific problems that often arise with young men and women, such as:
The author presents this information in a workbook-type format that serves as a discussion guide and compatibility test as well as an effective text on partnership education-all in a short 112 pages. The couple who is considering nuptials can fill out the book's profile section (a self test) and use the completed pages as a point of departure to answer several sets of questions that are arranged within chapters of the book. These questions go to the root of compatibility: communication, conflict resolution, dollars and sense, intimate relations, toddler strategies, in-laws, outlaws and others, great expectations, divine expectations, and miscellaneous.
The questions are statements designed to spark discussion between partners while encouraging them to look within themselves to see how they really feel about the various issues. For example, one question from the conflict resolution chapter asks, "I can usually sense when and know why my partner may be upset with me." Although this may easily be answered with a yes or no, it begs the reader to look deeper into the dynamics of his/her relationship. Does the reader know his or her partner well enough to recognize when he or she is upset, or are they still in the dating/honeymoon phase that so often creates hurried and failed marriages?
Overall, I found the book to be an insightful read. More importantly, however, I enthusiastically recommend that every chaplain, executive officer (XO), and first sergeant or sergeant major get a copy and use it to counsel his or her young Marines and sailors who are chomping at the bit to take the matrimonial plunge. The lessons contained within the covers of this book may save countless hours of counseling, countless dollars in lost productivity, countless phone calls to the command in the middle of the night, and countless hopes shattered by people who marry for the wrong reasons. As an XO myself, I will keep this book on the short list of references that I will keep handy.