I generally feel satisfied with the outcome of our arguments.

No two people, regardless of how much they have in common, will agree on everything. There are certain issues that will surface from time to time upon which they will inevitably disagree. When this occurs, it is best that the partners “disagree without becoming “disagreeable.” Ordinarily, neither partner is always right. Hence, a partner is somewhat arrogant to believe that he or she is never wrong. Compromise may be the best course of action to pursue instead of always trying to identify someone as the “winner.” Regardless of who is right or wrong, the disagreement should end in an amicable manner.

Ultimately, compromising in a relationship is not giving in, but deciding what is important and gauging the importance of an issue with one’s partner. The health of a relationship is much more important than winning an argument. The wise person will recognize when a given issue is more important to his or her partner, and will compromise, even though he or she may have other preferences or differing views.

Most couples, whether they are happy or not, will argue about certain issues. Some of the more common areas of disagreement involve finances, the division of household labor, children, and leisure interests. While some disagreements can involve minor issues such as where to dine or how high or low to set the thermostat, other disagreement may involve far more serious matters such as having children or infidelity on the part of one or both partners. In so far as most couples do not resolve the vast majority of their differences, marriage counselors will often attempt to help them live with them instead of always trying to solve them.

Some couples have found that “pre-planned responses” are beneficial in reducing conflicts. For example, many arguments arise due to the actions/behavior of in-laws, especially when one spouse expects the other to intervene with their “offending” parent. An agreement up front that each spouse will take appropriate action to deal with his/her own parents may prove very helpful.

Couples are encouraged to agree upon certain “rules of engagement” in regard to arguments. Such rules designed to help couples “fight fair” might consist of recognizing when the time is right or wrong to address an issue; listening without interrupting; speaking in a calm manner without raising one’s voice; postponing the discussion if one or both partners are too upset; identifying what one might do to “cool down” (e.g., go for a walk); limiting the time allotted for a particular disagreement; discussing when to concede an impasse; having a mutually agreed upon list of items that are “off-limits” while engaged in the discussion (e.g., not bringing up the past, using foul language or putting down family members); being willing to compromise; and, when errors have been made, being humble enough to admit having made a mistake, asking for forgiveness, and being willing to forgive.

Have you considered developing certain “rules of engagement” to facilitate conflict resolution in your relationship? Have you discussed how you might handle some of the more common problems that couples experience before they occur in your own lives?